Wednesday, September 20, 2006 / 6:14 AM
I am vexed
I am burning out soon
very soon, i promise
"You are a lousy secretary"
Yes..I am one
i was rather irritated by someone this morning
shan't mention who e person is
cos is so depressing
I understand that everyone is stressed
vexed over exams and stuff
I also understand that everyone have mood swing
once in a while or so
and i dun mind if ppl scold me or scream at me
cos i noe they dun do it on purpose
but, wat if such stuff occur to u frequently
at least twice to thrice a week
i really can't take it
i am already going beyond my part to do wat i can
yet, she does't appreciates at all
i really ponder
why must i find all e troubles for myself???
I am not obliged to be a someone
whom u vent your anger out at
neither am i someone
who has no feelings
and dun give a damm heck
at whatever u say
i care
i really care
so pls
give me basic respect
will u?
i noe i am complaining
but i really feel very tired now
i really want to take a break
pls stop treating me like this
before i go crazy
i am really washing my hands off all committements
in my CCA
2morrow, 21st september
i shall join my class for morning assembly again
yeah, back to my place
after 2 long and gruelling term
I am not pissed
I am not angry
but i just want to be treated
in a more humane way
cos i am a human
who has flesh and blood
who has a heart that is still beating
and also
feelings
Saturday, September 16, 2006 / 4:43 PM
This shall be one of my last few post before exams
cos i won't have much time to blog so often
most of my time will be spend mugging
i suppossed
I woke up so early today
to start mugging
haha, actually not
cos i am going m'sia later
for some funny workshop about right and left brain
won't be coming back till e nite
guess not much time for studying today
so wake up earlier to complete my homework
Oh, someone told me this that day
"self mutilation is good
e physical pain inflicted
actually help relieves e psychological pain
that is deep inside"
I was pondering this over e past few days
den i realised that it is kind of true to a certain extent
but not completely true
I was listening to e song journey by corrinne may yesterday
Hmm, reminds me of
hai tun wan lian ren
but i actually loved 2 lines of it
it goes like this:
" I know i will falter I know i will cry
i know you'll be standing by my side"
Hmm, it got stuck in my head since then
He called yesterday
and we chatted for an hour plus
he said that we are one continent away
but i said we're just a phone call away
E greatest distance seems to be
when u miss someone so much
but u realised that he's so far away
that u never got to see him
only hear his cold voice over e phone
when u really want to hold his warm hands
and see him standing right in front of u
Perhaps
we do take things for granted
and only realise how much it means to us
after they left
Friday, September 15, 2006 / 5:33 AM
Sometimes
when depression overwhelms you
you never noe what u will do
Friday
supposed to be e best day in e e week
cos it marks the ending of weekdays
and beginning of weekends
I got ultra depressed this morning
I did morning duty and went back class late
that's wasn't anything surprising
cos i never went back class punctually since Term 3
but, it was different today
cos when i reached class
mr sng was already in there.
wow, this is rare
he hardly comes into class for contact time
i suppossed
I think i looked horrible this morning
I had a sudden urge to inflict pain on myself
did not noe how to do it
since i forgot to bring penknife today
so, what i had was e backstage keys
I really had nothing else
so i used it
I used e end part of the keys
to scrap my skin so hard
that it produces some kind of swelling and mark
e mark looked similar to cane mark
but it is shorter
and e pain was more intense
i was doing it throughout e whole english lesson
when the lesson ended
i realised that my left hand
e portion directly on e reverse side of your palm
was red totally
hmm, den i asked jamie what's e next lesson
she said it was physics
and i guess i won't be so free den
so i asked mr sng to help me return e keys
did u realised that sometimes
words from ppl around u can totally change your day?
be it a word of encouragement
or a sentence of scarcasm
can really affect u
some of u may deny this
but everyone have to admit
that such stuff do linger inside your heart
be it a second
or e entire week.
It rained today
heavy thunderstorm
i guess even heaven is depressed
and cried uncontrobally
My fever was back
AGAIN
we watched scrubs during assembly today
i did not realised e presence of my fever
till sze waiy told me that my hand feels warm
i touched my forehead
and gosh
it was really hot
Somethings come
and somethings go
so quietly
without u notice it
at all
Wednesday, September 06, 2006 / 8:08 PM
Somtimes, i really want to take a rest
to take a break from life
to get out of e vicious cycle of studies
to find the real me
I am ultra tired as i type this post
went to doctor early in e morning
to get medication of flu and sore throat
Haha, guess i screamed too much last night during lessons
and maybe more screamings tonight
kids sometimes can be rather irritating
they use vulgarities like nothing
a five-year old boy used e F word on almost
all his classmates last night
den i ask him if he knew e meaning
he kept quiet and said nothing.
okay, this is super random
shall take about something else
I sometimes think that why must we have school hols
wat's e diff between school hols and school days
personally, i feels that there's not much diff
except that we study in a differnet evironment
and have more control over time
but eventually
all e learning
homework
studying for tests and exams
comes back again
I know that many ppl around me have lost their loved ones recently
Last night, one of my tution mate
lost her grandma
so i shan't talk about death anymore
cos i talked quite a lot in my recent posts
so
just an excerpt from a song to share
hope that u will feel better after reading it
So say goodbye for just a whileand thru e tears u will start to smilefor soon u will be in heavenin Father's arms foreverand every step u are not alonelove's by e side to keep u warmno more looking back from hereyour journey home has only just began.For those who have lost your loved ones
dun despair
for they have gone to enjoy eternity
to start their new life
in a new world
STAY STRONG
Somtimes, i really want to take a rest
to take a break from life
to get out of e vicious cycle of studies
to find the real me
I am ultra tired as i type this post
went to doctor early in e morning
to get medication of flu and sore throat
Haha, guess i screamed too much last night during lessons
and maybe more screamings tonight
kids sometimes can be rather irritating
they use vulgarities like nothing
a five-year old boy used e F word on almost
all his classmates last night
den i ask him if he knew e meaning
he kept quiet and said nothing.
okay, this is super random
shall take about something else
I sometimes think that why must we have school hols
wat's e diff between school hols and school days
personally, i feels that there's not much diff
except that we study in a differnet evironment
and have more control over time
but eventually
all e learning
homework
studying for tests and exams
comes back again
I know that many ppl around me have lost their loved ones recently
Last night, one of my tution mate
lost her grandma
so i shan't talk about death anymore
cos i talked quite a lot in my recent posts
so
just an excerpt from a song to share
hope that u will feel better after reading it
So say goodbye for just a whileand thru e tears u will start to smilefor soon u will be in heavenin Father's arms foreverand every step u are not alonelove's by e side to keep u warmno more looking back from hereyour journey home has only just began.For those who have lost your loved ones
dun despair
for they have gone to enjoy eternity
to start their new life
in a new world
STAY STRONG
Tuesday, September 05, 2006 / 8:24 PM
wednesday already
wow, time flies
now, i am left with only 4 days more
gosh, work is still piling up!!!
Last night, as i was clearing my drawer
i found a CD
haha, it was given to me by my school in 2002
as a founder day gift
( if u dun noe, i was from an IJ school)
i never really finished e CD
so decided to listen to it last night as i was doing maths
I realised that songs found inside are rather meaningful
e lyrics really makes me ponder
over issues like friendship, love and belief
Btw, e CD is called
Share the love
by Trevor Nreva and Julie Sim
Just want to share with u an extract of e song
One family
it goes like this:
Does it really matter how we call ourselvesas long as he's e one who first called usWhy spend all our time fighting amongst ourselveswhen he called us to spread his loveremember his message to uswe are one family in e Lordthat's how it's meant to be in e Lordworking hand in handto make it known throughout e worldso let's just stop and face each otherit's like looking in the mirrorrecognise our similaritiesyes, it's time to come togetherwe can make things even bettertry to bewhat he meant us to beone familyPerhaps, u never realised how powerful these words can be
but, if u are having conflicts and problems
with your loved ones
this song may make u realised that
all your conflict and fighting are redundant
" Why spend all our time fighting amongst ourselves"
Exactly
we are a family eventually
why not live peacefully and harmoniously together
to share joy and peace
and most importantly
Love
let's hope everyone can show love to ppl around you
through actions and thoughts
And also, hope that all three moo-ers
can keep e class spirits high
to share love throughout e upcoming exam period
and make sure
each and every three moo-ers feels loved!!!
I woke up this morning at 5.30
wow, that's not me
i couldn't sleep back after that
i tried
but i just could not
Started doing a-maths at 6.30am
kana stuck at e first sum
so i swoop to e-maths instead
and continued doing till 8.30
non-stop doing maths
i dun noe wat's e problem with me today
gosh, i actually had sucidal thoughts
i had a sudden urge to inflict pain on myself
i want my blood to flow out
out with all my troubles that has beeen bottled inside me
eventually
i did not
cos i remember how much pain he felt
when i did it e last time
i promised hin i would take care of myself
within e two years when he is away
death revolves round me these days
yeaterday, the croc hunter steve irwin passed away
he was only 44
i would not be shocked if he died under the jaws of a crocodile
yet
he surrender to a stingray sting
Life is so vulnerable
i began to have thoughts
of what if i die someday
wat if i leave e world
without accomplishing my dreams
without saying a single goodbye to my loved ones
like wat mr sng said
without leaving an impact on anyone's life
This morning was lynn's dad's funeral
i happen to pass by e void deck
when i went to buy breakfast
i saw her
she cried
i suddenly began to think
wat actually happen if my parents were to pass away someday
how would i react
will i cry
i really dun noe
and perhaps e answer to this
will only occur to me
when e day arrives
just realised that i have been thinking a lot today
poor brain cells
i pity u
but i just can't help it
maybe
i will have an early night today
so that u guys won't have to work so hard
YEAH!!!
just received a mail from him
he said he's doing fine there
and told me to jiayou for EYE
same to u too
and remenber to take care:)
seven hundred and fourteen days more
before
we meet again....
Sunday, September 03, 2006 / 8:18 AM
Flag day today
tired for most of e three moo-ers i supposed
nevertheless
everyone puts in their greatest efforts to collect as much funds as possible
well done to all
i was with ruiwen at e traffic lights near mandrian hotel
haha, it was quite a good spot
cos many tourists who came out of e hotel gave it to us
according to ruiwen,
6 out of 10 tourists would donate if approached
wow, that's a lot
i was getting rather sick of asking e question:
'excuse sir/mdm would u like to contribute to e wildlife conservation fund?"
hmm, i guess i repeated this question countless of times today
if lady luck is on me, i get usually donations of coins and small change
like: 20 cents, 50 cents or a dollar coin
if not, i was totally ignored
sometimes, i really feels that generosity really comes within
if one had e heart to donate, he/she would come forward
without being asked or approached by us
e greatest amount i collected was 2 ten dollars notes today by a middle-aged lady
she came forward and gave me e money without being approached
wow, that's kind of amazing and also
RARE...
Though tiring and exhausted
i did had a fun time today collecting funds
i bet ruiwen also had a satisfying day
cos her tin was e fullest out of e four of us
i mean jamie, singyee, me and ruiwen
ruiwen was extreme enthu in collecting
she actually went to e state
of fighting coins wuth me given by a tourist
until e coins fell out onto e road
haha, its kind of malu for both of us
but i admit this injected much fun into the tedious collection process
Den miss wee sent a message over and said that
she was at OG orchard with her cousins
so, desperate ruiwen and me called her
and literally threatened her to come over to mandrian hotel to give us money
haha, she was too lazy to walk over
so we had to make our way there to get e money from her
she gave us some coins a two dollar note each
Thank you miss wee for your kind donation!!!
We had lunch at delifrance
and den went kino to buy books
after returning e tins, singyee, jamie and charmaine gang
went to cineleisure to watch
devil wears prada
well, i had a spilting headache and left them early
guess i had not enough rest over e last few days
i came home and took a bath
after e bath, i realised that my fever was back
it went up to 38.4 again
well, i took medication
and went back to sleep again
till about 8.30pm at night.
generosity comes deep within
it is deinately not defined as giving mere donation
it comes through a long way
and is also a consistent effort
nevertheless, i would still like to thank each and every passer-by
who gave me their attention today
hopefully, their generosity and kindness would not end today
let's continue this love for those who needs it for tomorrow
the day after
and years after today
anyway
LOVE NEVER FAILS
LOVE NEVER ENDS
Flag day today
tired for most of e three moo-ers i supposed
nevertheless
everyone puts in their greatest efforts to collect as much funds as possible
well done to all
i was with ruiwen at e traffic lights near mandrian hotel
haha, it was quite a good spot
cos many tourists who came out of e hotel gave it to us
according to ruiwen,
6 out of 10 tourists would donate if approached
wow, that's a lot
i was getting rather sick of asking e question:
'excuse sir/mdm would u like to contribute to e wildlife conservation fund?"
hmm, i guess i repeated this question countless of times today
if lady luck is on me, i get usually donations of coins and small change
like: 20 cents, 50 cents or a dollar coin
if not, i was totally ignored
sometimes, i really feels that generosity really comes within
if one had e heart to donate, he/she would come forward
without being asked or approached by us
e greatest amount i collected was 2 ten dollars notes today by a middle-aged lady
she came forward and gave me e money without being approached
wow, that's kind of amazing and also
RARE...
Though tiring and exhausted
i did had a fun time today collecting funds
i bet ruiwen also had a satisfying day
cos her tin was e fullest out of e four of us
i mean jamie, singyee, me and ruiwen
ruiwen was extreme enthu in collecting
she actually went to e state
of fighting coins wuth me given by a tourist
until e coins fell out onto e road
haha, its kind of malu for both of us
but i admit this injected much fun into the tedious collection process
Den miss wee sent a message over and said that
she was at OG orchard with her cousins
so, desperate ruiwen and me called her
and literally threatened her to come over to mandrian hotel to give us money
haha, she was too lazy to walk over
so we had to make our way there to get e money from her
she gave us some coins a two dollar note each
Thank you miss wee for your kind donation!!!
We had lunch at delifrance
and den went kino to buy books
after returning e tins, singyee, jamie and charmaine gang
went to cineleisure to watch
devil wears prada
well, i had a spilting headache and left them early
guess i had not enough rest over e last few days
i came home and took a bath
after e bath, i realised that my fever was back
it went up to 38.4 again
well, i took medication
and went back to sleep again
till about 8.30pm at night.
generosity comes deep within
it is deinately not defined as giving mere donation
it comes through a long way
and is also a consistent effort
nevertheless, i would still like to thank each and every passer-by
who gave me their attention today
hopefully, their generosity and kindness would not end today
let's continue this love for those who needs it for tomorrow
the day after
and years after today
anyway
LOVE NEVER FAILS
LOVE NEVER ENDS
Saturday, September 02, 2006 / 4:43 PM
Early sunday morning
e first sunday pf the september holiday
waking up at 6.30am
wow, this is so not like me
Honestly, i have never really rested after teacher;s day celebration
thursday afternoon: went out with friends
thursday night: went to national library to watch show till midnight
thursday midnight: planning layout for open house booth
friday morning; went to school for open house prep
friday afternoon: went to mr sng father's wake
friday night: went for abacus lesson
friday midnight: desperately finishing my ban yue ji till 3.30am
saturday morning: back to school for cedar open house
saturday afternoon: engilsh tuition at novena
Hmm, my body could not take it during english tution
i fell asleep so many times
until my tutor had to continuously call my name to answer questions to keep me awake
i fell into deep slumber e moment i came home
and woke up only this morning
the past few days was saddening
so much things happened
my neighbour's dad passed away
e shocking part was that i still saw him at e carpark on thurs night
i greeted him and he replied with his usual lively tone
and on friday morning he passed away
wow
what exactly is death
is death that firghtening afterall
or is just like what mr sng said
joining lord in heaven
it is always easy to say e two words my "deepest condolences" to family of the late
but, have u ever ponder what's e feeling like if someone said this to u
maybe not now
but twenty, thirty years down the road
we have to experience the pain of death sooner or later
e only quetion is how are we gonna to face it
u never noe what is gonna to happen today, tomorrow or e day after
e death of my neighbour's dad came just as abruptly to the family as to me
we never know when or how our loved ones is leaving us
we can never predict e day he would be going to heaven to join lord
guess what we can do is to cherish our loved ones
be gateful to all they did for u
to thank them, to appreciate all their actions
before we missed the chance,
today, tomorrow or forever.